1
00:00:02,034 --> 00:00:03,655
I love this time of year...

2
00:00:03,724 --> 00:00:05,413
Christmas Carols, sleigh rides

3
00:00:05,482 --> 00:00:06,862
gigantic electric bills.

4
00:00:06,931 --> 00:00:08,310
Want to give us a hand?

5
00:00:08,379 --> 00:00:09,310
In a sec.

6
00:00:09,379 --> 00:00:10,827
I'’m revising my wish list.

7
00:00:10,896 --> 00:00:13,206
I'’m hoping for a
computer, a mountain bike

8
00:00:13,275 --> 00:00:15,793
and a ski jacket.

9
00:00:15,862 --> 00:00:16,896
You'’re not exactly

10
00:00:16,965 --> 00:00:18,758
the little match girl, are you?

11
00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:21,068
Those sound pretty
expensive, Sabrina.

12
00:00:21,137 --> 00:00:24,586
I know. That'’s why I prepared
a list of backup gift ideas

13
00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:26,586
in a variety of price ranges.

14
00:00:26,655 --> 00:00:28,103
Got to go.

15
00:00:28,172 --> 00:00:29,689
And you'’ll note on the bottom

16
00:00:29,758 --> 00:00:31,827
i'’ve listed the times
I won'’t be around

17
00:00:31,896 --> 00:00:33,413
so you can wrap my presents.

18
00:00:33,482 --> 00:00:34,482
Don'’t worry.

19
00:00:34,517 --> 00:00:36,379
I went through
that "gimme" phase.

20
00:00:36,448 --> 00:00:37,517
It'’ll pass.

21
00:00:37,586 --> 00:00:39,586
You'’re right.

22
00:00:39,655 --> 00:00:41,689
Hey, gimme that wise man.

23
00:00:41,758 --> 00:00:44,482
Well, guess we'’re
almost finished decorating

24
00:00:44,551 --> 00:00:45,965
except for the tree.

25
00:00:50,379 --> 00:00:51,586
You know, it'’s lovely

26
00:00:51,655 --> 00:00:54,655
but Christmas is
a mortal holiday.

27
00:00:54,724 --> 00:00:57,034
Shouldn'’t we do the
tree the mortal way?

28
00:00:57,103 --> 00:00:59,724
Okay. I'’ll conjure
up a plastic one.

29
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:00,793
No, no. I meant

30
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:02,551
shouldn'’t we go and buy a tree

31
00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:04,137
and decorate it by hand?

32
00:01:04,206 --> 00:01:05,862
All right.

33
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:11,724
Where do they sell trees?

34
00:01:11,793 --> 00:01:13,034
The forest?

35
00:01:30,896 --> 00:01:32,827
Too much Rouge?

36
00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:39,551
I can'’t decide
whether I should shoot

37
00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:41,620
for a: The computer
and mountain bike

38
00:01:41,689 --> 00:01:43,275
b: The computer and ski jacket

39
00:01:43,344 --> 00:01:45,206
or c: All of the above.

40
00:01:45,275 --> 00:01:47,172
I'’d hate to be there if
you got a savings bond.

41
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,068
You want to go
to the mall with me

42
00:01:49,137 --> 00:01:51,275
and do some Christmas
present research?

43
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:55,000
Can'’t. Got a job at
hilmann'’s as a Santa claus.

44
00:01:55,068 --> 00:01:57,344
Is that just for the
holiday season?

45
00:01:57,413 --> 00:01:58,413
It'’s an okay job.

46
00:01:58,448 --> 00:02:00,344
What bothers me
is the kids go home

47
00:02:00,413 --> 00:02:03,103
thinking they'’ll get
everything they asked for.

48
00:02:03,172 --> 00:02:05,586
A lot of them will be
awfully disappointed.

49
00:02:05,655 --> 00:02:06,586
Aw, poor kids.

50
00:02:06,655 --> 00:02:08,000
Should I ask for a helmet

51
00:02:08,068 --> 00:02:09,310
with the mountain bike

52
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,379
or do you think
that'’s just implied?

53
00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:13,344
The American
army was defeated...

54
00:02:13,413 --> 00:02:16,931
Sabrina: Should I get the
mountain bike or the jacket?

55
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,724
Definitely the mountain bike.

56
00:02:18,793 --> 00:02:22,586
George Washington
relocated to valley forge.

57
00:02:22,655 --> 00:02:25,137
Mountain bike,
George Washington...

58
00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:28,896
Sabrina.

59
00:02:28,965 --> 00:02:33,517
Sabrina? We'’re talking
about a very bloody war.

60
00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:34,758
Why are you smiling?

61
00:02:34,827 --> 00:02:37,551
Because i'’ve been desensitized

62
00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:39,310
by popular culture.

63
00:02:41,103 --> 00:02:42,862
Salem: Oh, I see.

64
00:02:42,931 --> 00:02:45,793
First you kill the tree,
and then you humiliate it.

65
00:02:45,862 --> 00:02:48,068
Doing mortal things
the mortal way

66
00:02:48,137 --> 00:02:49,172
just feels right.

67
00:02:49,241 --> 00:02:51,137
My thumbs are numb.

68
00:02:51,206 --> 00:02:53,724
I was thinking, when
we'’ve finished with the tree

69
00:02:53,793 --> 00:02:56,103
we could roast some
chestnuts the mortal way.

70
00:02:56,172 --> 00:02:57,724
Oh, good grief, what'’s next?

71
00:02:57,793 --> 00:03:00,034
Drivingto the store?

72
00:03:00,103 --> 00:03:02,172
Hey, what'’d you get?

73
00:03:02,241 --> 00:03:05,689
Let'’s see: Meat glop, fruit
glop, vegetable glop and...

74
00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:06,862
Glop glop.

75
00:03:06,931 --> 00:03:08,896
Yum. Save me a seat?

76
00:03:08,965 --> 00:03:10,034
Always.

77
00:03:12,103 --> 00:03:14,448
Now, what sounds edible?

78
00:03:14,517 --> 00:03:16,000
A baked potato.

79
00:03:20,344 --> 00:03:23,103
[ Speaking Russian]

80
00:03:23,172 --> 00:03:24,758
Excellent.

81
00:03:24,827 --> 00:03:27,000
Where'’d you get that?

82
00:03:27,068 --> 00:03:29,724
Um, I ordered the kosher meal.

83
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,413
Want a bite?

84
00:03:31,482 --> 00:03:33,172
No, thanks.

85
00:03:33,241 --> 00:03:35,000
Smells like vodka.

86
00:03:35,068 --> 00:03:36,379
[ Grunts]

87
00:03:36,448 --> 00:03:37,586
For the last time:

88
00:03:37,655 --> 00:03:39,551
When I push, you pull. Got it?

89
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,206
Could you be a
little less technical?

90
00:03:42,275 --> 00:03:43,517
Keep trimming that tree

91
00:03:43,586 --> 00:03:44,689
and you'’ll be able

92
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:47,310
to use it in your car
as an air freshener.

93
00:03:48,517 --> 00:03:49,931
[ Sighs]

94
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,103
Hi, Harvey.

95
00:03:51,172 --> 00:03:53,448
Hi, Libby. Got any
plans for the holidays?

96
00:03:53,517 --> 00:03:54,724
Like it matters.

97
00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:56,103
I hate Christmas.

98
00:03:56,172 --> 00:03:58,103
What'’s your take on kwanza?

99
00:03:58,172 --> 00:04:00,344
I usually like the
presents, but this year

100
00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:03,137
I have to be around my
bratty stepbrother Russell.

101
00:04:03,206 --> 00:04:05,517
Really? Your family
has a brat in it?

102
00:04:05,586 --> 00:04:07,241
He colors with my lipsticks

103
00:04:07,310 --> 00:04:08,965
drips chocolate on my stuff

104
00:04:09,034 --> 00:04:11,137
and he can cry on cue.

105
00:04:11,206 --> 00:04:13,344
What'’s your problem, freak?

106
00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:16,620
Hoping Santa will give
you a personality this year?

107
00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:20,137
And a crossbow!

108
00:04:20,206 --> 00:04:21,275
Push, push!

109
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,896
Push! Push!

110
00:04:22,965 --> 00:04:26,206
I knew those lamaze
classes would pay off.

111
00:04:26,275 --> 00:04:27,965
There!

112
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,448
We have the makings

113
00:04:29,517 --> 00:04:31,482
of a beautiful fire hazard.

114
00:04:31,551 --> 00:04:32,551
What do you think?

115
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,241
That'’s what a mortal tree

116
00:04:34,310 --> 00:04:35,310
looks like?

117
00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:36,896
No wonder they drink

118
00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:38,310
during the holidays.

119
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,551
I'’ll conjure more
asparagus. Want some?

120
00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:43,379
No, thanks. You put too
much ketchup on yours.

121
00:04:45,793 --> 00:04:47,896
Hey, somebody
took a bite out of it!

122
00:04:47,965 --> 00:04:50,275
I did. You didn'’t conjure
your own asparagus.

123
00:04:50,344 --> 00:04:51,482
You took mine.

124
00:04:51,551 --> 00:04:53,862
Think there'’s something
wrong with my magic?

125
00:04:53,931 --> 00:04:55,241
Conjure something else.

126
00:04:55,310 --> 00:04:56,758
I could use some protein.

127
00:04:56,827 --> 00:04:58,034
How about a wharf rat?

128
00:04:58,103 --> 00:05:00,344
How about... a blouse?

129
00:05:02,413 --> 00:05:03,862
There. I'’m fine.

130
00:05:03,931 --> 00:05:05,241
And I have good taste.

131
00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:07,620
Zelda, how was the lecture?

132
00:05:07,689 --> 00:05:09,344
For a six-part dissertation

133
00:05:09,413 --> 00:05:12,448
on the reproductive
cycle of garden snails

134
00:05:12,517 --> 00:05:14,448
it was awfully dry.

135
00:05:14,517 --> 00:05:17,379
And, boy, it is really
getting cold outside.

136
00:05:17,448 --> 00:05:20,172
Here'’s a tip: Try
wearing clothes.

137
00:05:20,241 --> 00:05:22,931
Hey! What happened to my blouse?

138
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,413
It was my favorite...

139
00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:25,482
Green silk one?

140
00:05:25,517 --> 00:05:26,448
How many times

141
00:05:26,517 --> 00:05:28,068
do I have to tell you to ask

142
00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:29,793
before you borrow my clothes?

143
00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:32,034
Especially when i'’m
already wearing them.

144
00:05:32,103 --> 00:05:33,413
Something'’s wrong with me.

145
00:05:33,482 --> 00:05:34,862
I tried to conjure asparagus

146
00:05:34,931 --> 00:05:35,931
I got aunt hilda'’s.

147
00:05:35,965 --> 00:05:37,344
I tried to conjure a blouse

148
00:05:37,413 --> 00:05:38,586
I got yours.

149
00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:41,724
Whatever you do, Don'’t
conjure anything fur.

150
00:05:41,793 --> 00:05:44,137
What do you think it is, zeldie?

151
00:05:44,206 --> 00:05:46,620
Well, from what I
know, the problem

152
00:05:46,689 --> 00:05:48,068
may be psychological.

153
00:05:48,137 --> 00:05:50,137
Now, there'’s
nothing to be afraid of.

154
00:05:50,206 --> 00:05:53,586
Dr. Bull is a highly
regarded witch psychiatrist.

155
00:05:53,655 --> 00:05:54,793
She'’s got two doctorates

156
00:05:54,862 --> 00:05:56,344
from other realm universities

157
00:05:56,413 --> 00:05:57,586
and one from Utah state.

158
00:05:57,655 --> 00:05:58,862
And tell me again

159
00:05:58,931 --> 00:06:02,034
why I had to sign that
lobotomy release form?

160
00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:04,310
And that about wraps it up.

161
00:06:04,379 --> 00:06:05,482
Can I go now?

162
00:06:05,551 --> 00:06:08,034
Conjures things from
others, narcissism...

163
00:06:08,103 --> 00:06:11,103
Based on these symptoms,
one would conclude

164
00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:13,551
that you'’re suffering
from egotitis.

165
00:06:13,620 --> 00:06:15,206
Me? I'’m not the one

166
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,551
with a wall full of diplomas.

167
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:19,586
Attacks when provoked.

168
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:21,965
It'’s a textbook case.

169
00:06:22,034 --> 00:06:23,931
You'’re behaving
like a little girl.

170
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,931
Am not!

171
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,896
What say we have a
chat with your inner child?

172
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,206
Hey...

173
00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:33,482
I recognize you.

174
00:06:33,551 --> 00:06:36,103
You'’re the one that'’s
always encouraging me

175
00:06:36,172 --> 00:06:37,206
to run with scissors.

176
00:06:37,275 --> 00:06:38,379
Tell me, inner child

177
00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:40,413
what do you like most

178
00:06:40,482 --> 00:06:41,413
about Christmas?

179
00:06:41,482 --> 00:06:42,827
All the presents!

180
00:06:42,896 --> 00:06:45,068
Do you enjoy being
with other people

181
00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:46,068
at Christmas?

182
00:06:46,137 --> 00:06:48,241
If they bring me presents.

183
00:06:48,310 --> 00:06:49,586
Thank you.

184
00:06:49,655 --> 00:06:51,344
That will be all.

185
00:06:51,413 --> 00:06:53,931
Where'’s my presents?!

186
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,103
Sorry. I didn'’t know

187
00:06:55,172 --> 00:06:57,172
my inner child
would be so childish.

188
00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:59,206
Or sticky!

189
00:06:59,275 --> 00:07:00,931
I see what'’s happening here.

190
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,448
You'’re trying to recapture

191
00:07:02,517 --> 00:07:05,310
the excitement of
Christmas you felt as a child

192
00:07:05,379 --> 00:07:07,310
so you'’re acting like a child.

193
00:07:07,379 --> 00:07:08,586
Or, medically speaking

194
00:07:08,655 --> 00:07:11,344
a spoiled brat.

195
00:07:11,413 --> 00:07:12,620
So, do I need a shot

196
00:07:12,689 --> 00:07:14,758
or can I get away
with an inhaler?

197
00:07:14,827 --> 00:07:16,413
Hmm... it'’s not that easy.

198
00:07:16,482 --> 00:07:19,379
The cure for this malady
must come from within.

199
00:07:19,448 --> 00:07:21,241
You'’ve got to rediscover

200
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,000
the magic of Christmas.

201
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,206
And when you do

202
00:07:24,275 --> 00:07:26,517
your egotitis will go away.

203
00:07:26,586 --> 00:07:27,413
That'’s it?

204
00:07:27,482 --> 00:07:28,689
Except for this.

205
00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:31,275
$120, please.

206
00:07:31,344 --> 00:07:33,344
Zelda: Feeling a little more

207
00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:34,448
in the spirit, dear?

208
00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:35,586
I'’m trying

209
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,689
but I just Don'’t
feel very christmasy.

210
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,241
Maybe some music would help.

211
00:07:39,310 --> 00:07:41,068
Put on a Johnny Mathis album.

212
00:07:41,137 --> 00:07:42,896
Whatever. I'’ll try anything.

213
00:07:46,068 --> 00:07:49,275
I swear my Christmas
album was here a minute ago.

214
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,758
Come on, John,
get ahold of yourself.

215
00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:56,586
♪ O holy night...

216
00:07:56,655 --> 00:07:59,275
Is he the dreamiest, or what?

217
00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:01,137
And his voice is good, too.

218
00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:02,275
Wait a second.

219
00:08:02,344 --> 00:08:03,896
"Property of j. Mathis."

220
00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:06,206
Sabrina, you didn'’t
conjure up a cd.

221
00:08:06,275 --> 00:08:09,034
You just took one
from Johnny Mathis.

222
00:08:09,103 --> 00:08:10,413
Oh, man, Don'’t tell me

223
00:08:10,482 --> 00:08:12,551
my egotitis still
hasn'’t gone away.

224
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:14,620
Hey, maybe if I
open some presents

225
00:08:14,689 --> 00:08:16,586
i'’ll feel better.

226
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:17,827
Oh, no!

227
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,689
I shook that one. It was good!

228
00:08:19,758 --> 00:08:23,103
Sabrina, when you have egotitis,
you can'’t get any presents.

229
00:08:23,172 --> 00:08:25,034
Receiving gifts
only makes it worse.

230
00:08:25,103 --> 00:08:28,655
This better be
gone by my birthday.

231
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,896
What'’s Christmas
without presents?

232
00:08:33,965 --> 00:08:36,689
Have you ever noticed
that building with the steeple

233
00:08:36,758 --> 00:08:37,965
and the bells?

234
00:08:38,034 --> 00:08:40,413
There'’s got to be
something you guys can do.

235
00:08:40,482 --> 00:08:42,413
Well, there is someone
who could help.

236
00:08:42,482 --> 00:08:44,655
And we didn'’t call
him before because...?

237
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:46,344
He'’s a very big hoo-ha.

238
00:08:46,413 --> 00:08:47,068
Who is he?

239
00:08:47,137 --> 00:08:48,551
Bob.

240
00:08:48,620 --> 00:08:50,827
His parents didn'’t
know he'’d be important

241
00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:52,000
when they named him.

242
00:08:52,068 --> 00:08:53,931
Let'’s summon him
with the Bob song.

243
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,413
[ Humming starting note]

244
00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:57,724
♪ Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. ♪

245
00:08:57,793 --> 00:08:59,275
How do you remember

246
00:08:59,344 --> 00:09:00,551
the lyrics?

247
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:01,724
Hey, what'’s up?

248
00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:03,000
Oh, hello, Bob.

249
00:09:03,068 --> 00:09:04,172
We have a problem.

250
00:09:04,241 --> 00:09:06,586
Our niece Sabrina
has a case of egotitis.

251
00:09:06,655 --> 00:09:08,482
Ah, that'’s not
your only problem.

252
00:09:08,551 --> 00:09:09,413
It isn'’t?

253
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:12,103
You'’ve got one
sorry-looking tree.

254
00:09:12,172 --> 00:09:14,379
It'’d look better with presents.

255
00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:17,275
Oh, trying to recapture
the spirit of Christmas, huh?

256
00:09:17,344 --> 00:09:18,448
Mmm. Can you help?

257
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:19,896
I'’ll give it a shot.

258
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:21,068
I know.

259
00:09:21,137 --> 00:09:25,068
Say, why Don'’t you
and I take a little trip

260
00:09:25,137 --> 00:09:26,413
to Christmas past?

261
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:28,517
No, it'’s been done.

262
00:09:28,586 --> 00:09:30,000
And trust me, the trip

263
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:31,896
to the graveyard is depressing.

264
00:09:31,965 --> 00:09:34,344
Why Don'’t you and I
try to go and recapture

265
00:09:34,413 --> 00:09:36,344
your childhood
Christmas memories?

266
00:09:36,413 --> 00:09:37,620
And maybe have a look

267
00:09:37,689 --> 00:09:39,482
at the new chryslers.

268
00:09:39,551 --> 00:09:41,172
You have met

269
00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:42,827
this guy before, right?

270
00:09:44,965 --> 00:09:46,896
♪

271
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,655
Ow!

272
00:10:17,724 --> 00:10:19,965
Why'’d you hit me?

273
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,620
[ People arguing]

274
00:10:28,517 --> 00:10:31,241
Merry Christmas.

275
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:34,206
Cold, fun, snow

276
00:10:34,275 --> 00:10:35,482
Libby in trouble...

277
00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:37,758
I'’m beginning to feel
a lot like Christmas.

278
00:10:37,827 --> 00:10:40,724
Well, see, I told you it
was only a matter of...

279
00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:41,724
Ow!

280
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:42,931
Oh, no. You okay?

281
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,172
Oh, no. I slipped

282
00:10:44,241 --> 00:10:46,206
on some ice, and
I Don'’t remember

283
00:10:46,275 --> 00:10:49,103
my ankle being the
size of a grapefruit.

284
00:10:49,172 --> 00:10:50,862
Don'’t worry. I'’ll
get you a cane.

285
00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:52,724
Oh, thanks.

286
00:10:52,793 --> 00:10:53,896
Man: My cane!

287
00:10:53,965 --> 00:10:55,413
What happened to my cane?

288
00:10:55,482 --> 00:10:56,758
Oh, just my luck.

289
00:10:56,827 --> 00:10:58,724
Don'’t tell me I
still have egotitis.

290
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:00,793
Let'’s see: I'’m hurt,
grandpa'’s down

291
00:11:00,862 --> 00:11:03,758
and you'’re still worried
about getting presents.

292
00:11:03,827 --> 00:11:05,586
Oh, smart money'’d be on "yes."

293
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:08,517
Voila!

294
00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:10,310
You know, i'’ve got to admit it.

295
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:11,689
I'’m really proud of us.

296
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,793
We did it all by outselves

297
00:11:13,862 --> 00:11:16,000
just like a mortal family.

298
00:11:16,068 --> 00:11:17,344
Do you want

299
00:11:17,413 --> 00:11:19,103
to zap it, or should I?

300
00:11:19,172 --> 00:11:20,172
I will.

301
00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:25,172
A little gaudy,
Don'’t you think?

302
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:26,241
Sabrina: Help!

303
00:11:26,275 --> 00:11:28,758
Hurt Bob in the kitchen!

304
00:11:29,517 --> 00:11:30,655
You take it easy.

305
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,310
We'’ll get you an ice pack.

306
00:11:32,379 --> 00:11:34,137
Everything is going to be fine.

307
00:11:34,206 --> 00:11:36,344
Absolutely.

308
00:11:36,413 --> 00:11:37,689
[ Groans]

309
00:11:37,758 --> 00:11:39,620
Do you realize
what you'’ve done?

310
00:11:39,689 --> 00:11:41,103
What, Bob'’s going to sue?

311
00:11:41,172 --> 00:11:43,517
No! He'’s Santa claus.

312
00:11:43,586 --> 00:11:44,758
What?! that'’s right.

313
00:11:44,827 --> 00:11:46,482
You'’ve maimed father Christmas.

314
00:11:46,551 --> 00:11:51,482
So, I guess i'’m not the only
one not getting presents this year.

315
00:11:51,551 --> 00:11:52,620
So, if you'’re Santa

316
00:11:52,689 --> 00:11:54,172
how come you'’re not chubby?

317
00:11:54,241 --> 00:11:56,517
A combination of
cardiovascular exercise

318
00:11:56,586 --> 00:11:57,689
and weight training

319
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,448
or it could be that tapeworm.

320
00:11:59,517 --> 00:12:02,310
Anyway, i'’ve got a lot
of deliveries to make.

321
00:12:02,379 --> 00:12:03,586
Ho-ho-ho!

322
00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,172
[ Groaning]

323
00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:06,758
You are not going anywhere.

324
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,862
Isn'’t there someone
to fill in for you?

325
00:12:08,931 --> 00:12:10,310
A temp service or cousin?

326
00:12:10,379 --> 00:12:12,172
Well, there'’s always Mrs. Claus

327
00:12:12,241 --> 00:12:13,448
but I can'’t call her.

328
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:14,689
She works for u.P.S.

329
00:12:14,758 --> 00:12:16,965
This time of year,
they'’re real crazy.

330
00:12:17,034 --> 00:12:19,896
Hilda and I have to stay
here and take care of you.

331
00:12:19,965 --> 00:12:21,068
There must be

332
00:12:21,137 --> 00:12:22,827
somebody.

333
00:12:22,896 --> 00:12:26,000
Me?! But Bob and I were
this close to curing my egotitis.

334
00:12:26,068 --> 00:12:28,241
A few more hours,
i'’ll be back to normal.

335
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,206
Can we just order
everyone something

336
00:12:32,275 --> 00:12:33,413
from a catalog?

337
00:12:33,482 --> 00:12:35,586
Okay, i'’ve got it.

338
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,862
Head due north
and look for reindeer.

339
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,482
But Don'’t take the first
"Santa'’s workship" exit.

340
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,586
Take the second.

341
00:12:41,655 --> 00:12:43,620
Salem: This is a
girl who has trouble

342
00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:46,241
getting to school on
time, and she'’s supposed

343
00:12:46,310 --> 00:12:49,344
to deliver millions of
presents by tomorrow morning?

344
00:12:49,413 --> 00:12:51,827
Am I the only one
who sees a problem?

345
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:57,275
You know, Salem,
that'’s an excellent point.

346
00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:08,413
"That'’s an excellent point."

347
00:13:08,482 --> 00:13:11,275
That is the last time I point
out the flaw in someone'’s logic.

348
00:13:11,344 --> 00:13:12,965
Mayday! Mayday!

349
00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:14,931
Intruder on the premises!

350
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:15,931
[ Whimpering]

351
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,758
Who are you?

352
00:13:17,827 --> 00:13:18,931
Sabrina. Don'’t panic.

353
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,689
Santa'’s had a little accident.

354
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,655
[ All yelling]No, it'’s okay.

355
00:13:22,724 --> 00:13:24,827
Um, i'’m going
to fill in for him.

356
00:13:24,896 --> 00:13:25,827
[ All yelling]

357
00:13:25,896 --> 00:13:27,379
No, I promise it'’ll be fine.

358
00:13:27,448 --> 00:13:29,862
Who are you?

359
00:13:29,931 --> 00:13:31,413
We'’re Santa'’s elves.

360
00:13:31,482 --> 00:13:33,275
I thought Santa'’s
elves were small.

361
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:35,137
You'’re probably
thinking of Fritz.

362
00:13:35,206 --> 00:13:37,137
Whenever somebody
whips out a camera

363
00:13:37,206 --> 00:13:38,551
guess who always happens

364
00:13:38,620 --> 00:13:39,965
to be next to Santa?

365
00:13:40,034 --> 00:13:41,586
What are you building?

366
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,655
A cd player.

367
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:43,689
Seriously?

368
00:13:44,551 --> 00:13:45,862
Man, you guys are good.

369
00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:47,862
Yeah. Perhaps
you didn'’t know this

370
00:13:47,931 --> 00:13:49,344
but we'’re on a deadline!

371
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:50,448
How about wrapping?

372
00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:51,586
Gotcha.

373
00:13:51,655 --> 00:13:52,724
How about a palm-sized

374
00:13:52,793 --> 00:13:53,793
digital camera?

375
00:13:53,827 --> 00:13:55,379
Not for me, but a friend

376
00:13:55,448 --> 00:13:57,172
who'’s fallen on hard times.

377
00:13:57,241 --> 00:13:58,586
We'’ll call him Salem.

378
00:13:58,655 --> 00:13:59,793
Oh, boy.

379
00:13:59,862 --> 00:14:02,172
Is there anything else
we can get you, Bob?

380
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,275
I Don'’t want to be
an imposition, please.

381
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,517
Bob, you could never
be an imposition.

382
00:14:06,586 --> 00:14:07,517
If you insist.

383
00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:08,724
How about a couple

384
00:14:08,793 --> 00:14:10,689
of cheeseburgers,
a chocolate malted

385
00:14:10,758 --> 00:14:11,793
and some chips?

386
00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:13,482
Hey, either of you gals up

387
00:14:13,551 --> 00:14:15,000
for a game of mousetrap?

388
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:16,206
What will that be?

389
00:14:16,275 --> 00:14:17,275
A Ferrari, if someone

390
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:18,896
would stop breathing
down my neck.

391
00:14:18,965 --> 00:14:21,482
I willif I can have
a pipe cleaner.

392
00:14:21,551 --> 00:14:23,241
Mayday! Mayday!

393
00:14:23,310 --> 00:14:24,413
Fritz is wound

394
00:14:24,482 --> 00:14:25,586
a little tight, isn'’t he?

395
00:14:25,655 --> 00:14:27,275
The "naughty/nice" list

396
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:28,275
is missing.

397
00:14:28,344 --> 00:14:30,000
And I keep running into Fritz

398
00:14:30,068 --> 00:14:31,862
underneath the mistletoe.

399
00:14:31,931 --> 00:14:33,931
Calm down. Everyone
retrace your steps.

400
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,689
That would put me back
underneath the mistletoe.

401
00:14:36,758 --> 00:14:37,862
Mayday! Mayday!

402
00:14:37,931 --> 00:14:39,724
He'’s beginning to
get on my nerves.

403
00:14:39,793 --> 00:14:40,896
I found the list!

404
00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:42,482
The reindeer ate it.

405
00:14:42,551 --> 00:14:44,758
What are you going to do?

406
00:14:44,827 --> 00:14:45,827
Me?

407
00:14:45,862 --> 00:14:46,862
You'’re in charge.

408
00:14:46,931 --> 00:14:48,689
Do you know how
many palms I greased

409
00:14:48,758 --> 00:14:50,034
to get on that "nice" list?

410
00:14:50,103 --> 00:14:51,448
And nobody made a copy?

411
00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:54,172
Oh, there is a copy
of the list on that thing

412
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:56,310
but none of us
know how to use it.

413
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:57,517
Oh, I bet I can.

414
00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:58,827
It only takes a minute

415
00:14:58,896 --> 00:15:00,758
to learn how to
use these things.

416
00:15:00,827 --> 00:15:02,689
Yeah, Santa won'’t
let us touch it...

417
00:15:02,758 --> 00:15:03,896
Not since somebody

418
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:05,620
got addicted to solitaire.

419
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,000
Hilda, wait!

420
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,620
I'’ve got a few more
things for you to pick up:

421
00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:11,000
Two gallons of ice cream

422
00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:12,413
four lemon meringue pies

423
00:15:12,482 --> 00:15:15,448
a box of frozen onion rings
and a case of birch beer.

424
00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:18,068
Nobody makes a list like Santa.

425
00:15:18,137 --> 00:15:20,275
Let'’s go! It'’s almost
Christmas in Tokyo!

426
00:15:20,344 --> 00:15:21,862
Okay, here'’s your itinerary.

427
00:15:21,931 --> 00:15:23,931
We had triple "a"
make you a triptik.

428
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,344
Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

429
00:15:25,413 --> 00:15:27,103
I swear, one of these days...

430
00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:28,586
He does tend to overreact.

431
00:15:28,655 --> 00:15:30,965
The reindeer are sick!

432
00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:32,275
He may have a point.

433
00:15:32,344 --> 00:15:34,344
It must have been
the list they ate.

434
00:15:34,413 --> 00:15:35,793
What are we going to do?

435
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:38,241
Will Zelda let us borrow
the station wagon?

436
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:40,586
There'’s no time for that.

437
00:15:40,655 --> 00:15:42,896
These children need presents.

438
00:15:42,965 --> 00:15:45,000
Okay, we'’ve all
had our little laugh.

439
00:15:45,068 --> 00:15:46,344
Now, take the nose off.

440
00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:50,344
Ready to rock?

441
00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:53,068
Is there still
something on my head?

442
00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:53,758
Good luck!

443
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:54,827
Godspeed!

444
00:15:57,310 --> 00:16:00,206
They'’re never going to make it.

445
00:16:00,275 --> 00:16:03,379
You-know-who is
ready for his pedicure.

446
00:16:03,448 --> 00:16:04,793
Yourturn.

447
00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:07,965
Bob: Zelda! I'’d like the
black cherry nail Polish.

448
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,344
It is not my turn.

449
00:16:09,413 --> 00:16:10,689
I clipped his ear hair.

450
00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:12,172
Iclipped his ear hair.

451
00:16:12,241 --> 00:16:14,896
How fast does that stuff grow?

452
00:16:14,965 --> 00:16:17,310
Well, that does it
for the baltic states.

453
00:16:17,379 --> 00:16:18,827
Want another pierogi?

454
00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,206
No, thanks.

455
00:16:20,275 --> 00:16:22,793
I'’ve already had moussaka,
baklava and pad Thai.

456
00:16:22,862 --> 00:16:25,482
What was I thinking?

457
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,758
Buck up. I see downtown
westbridge ahead.

458
00:16:27,827 --> 00:16:29,551
Hey, there'’s Libby'’s house.

459
00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:31,620
Great, I can yack
in her stocking.

460
00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:33,724
No, I got her the
perfect present.

461
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,551
Merry Christmas, Libby.

462
00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:41,896
What?

463
00:16:41,965 --> 00:16:43,517
Here, Libby.

464
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,586
Merry Christmas.

465
00:16:45,655 --> 00:16:49,379
Oh, Russell, it'’s
a little jewelry box.

466
00:16:49,448 --> 00:16:50,724
I made it myself.

467
00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:55,206
Hey, want to split the roof
on my gingerbread house?

468
00:16:56,862 --> 00:16:59,241
So, you gave her love
for her stepbrother?

469
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,517
It seemed like the
right thing to do.

470
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:03,551
I would have given
her a lump of coal

471
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:05,758
but i'’m not the one
wearing the red hat.

472
00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:10,527
♪ She'’ll be comin'’ around
the mountain when she comes ♪

473
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:11,724
♪ when she comes

474
00:17:11,793 --> 00:17:13,251
♪ she'’ll be comin'’
around the mountain ♪

475
00:17:13,275 --> 00:17:14,769
♪ she'’ll be comin'’
around the mountain ♪

476
00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:17,044
♪ she'’ll be comin'’ around the
mountain when she comes. ♪

477
00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:18,413
Yee-haw! Yee-haw!

478
00:17:18,482 --> 00:17:20,689
[ Chuckling]: Encore! Encore!

479
00:17:20,758 --> 00:17:24,551
Oh, but wait, now, how
about some more food first?

480
00:17:24,620 --> 00:17:26,931
Perhaps a bit more coq au vin?

481
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,862
Bob, Don'’t you think
you should maybe

482
00:17:28,931 --> 00:17:30,275
be watching the calories?

483
00:17:30,344 --> 00:17:32,862
Nah, it'’s just water weight.

484
00:17:32,931 --> 00:17:35,137
Band aids, cotton
balls, aspirin?

485
00:17:35,206 --> 00:17:38,724
What good is a first aid kit
without a stomach pump?

486
00:17:38,793 --> 00:17:39,896
Look. Harvey'’s house.

487
00:17:39,965 --> 00:17:42,068
I can'’t look down.

488
00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:44,068
What'’d you get
him for Christmas?

489
00:17:44,137 --> 00:17:45,241
A little miracle.

490
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:48,551
Merry Christmas, Harvey.

491
00:17:52,103 --> 00:17:54,689
Hilda: I couldn'’t
sleep at all last night.

492
00:17:54,758 --> 00:17:56,206
I kept thinking about that line

493
00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:58,000
"he sees you when
you'’re sleeping."

494
00:17:58,068 --> 00:17:59,793
Merry Christmas!

495
00:17:59,862 --> 00:18:02,344
Salem: Must... eat... grass...

496
00:18:03,758 --> 00:18:05,482
Merry Christmas. How was it?

497
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:06,689
You'’re looking

498
00:18:06,758 --> 00:18:07,965
at a changed woman.

499
00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:10,275
I Don'’t even care
if I get any presents.

500
00:18:10,344 --> 00:18:12,310
[ Gasps] Look!

501
00:18:12,379 --> 00:18:13,896
Your egotitis is gone.

502
00:18:13,965 --> 00:18:15,482
I bet there'’s someone

503
00:18:15,551 --> 00:18:17,931
that could use
this more than me.

504
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,241
[ Gasps]

505
00:18:26,103 --> 00:18:27,034
Well...

506
00:18:27,103 --> 00:18:28,551
Congratulations, Sabrina.

507
00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:30,586
You'’ve discovered
how to recreate

508
00:18:30,655 --> 00:18:32,655
the childhood
magic of Christmas:

509
00:18:32,724 --> 00:18:35,000
By making Christmas
magic for others.

510
00:18:35,068 --> 00:18:36,482
I could have used that suit.

511
00:18:36,551 --> 00:18:37,827
It was freezing out there.

512
00:18:37,896 --> 00:18:39,172
[ Laughs]

513
00:18:39,241 --> 00:18:41,758
Well, now that you'’re
cured, I can go home.

514
00:18:41,827 --> 00:18:43,517
But your ankle,
doesn'’t it hurt?

515
00:18:43,586 --> 00:18:45,000
Nah. I was faking it.

516
00:18:45,068 --> 00:18:46,758
You were?

517
00:18:46,827 --> 00:18:48,758
Yeah! To teach
me a lesson, right?

518
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:51,931
Well, there is that, plus I
could use a break from, uh...

519
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,758
"Mayday! Mayday!
Mayday! Mayday!"

520
00:18:53,827 --> 00:18:55,172
[ Bells jingling]

521
00:18:55,241 --> 00:18:57,034
Well, here'’s my ride.

522
00:18:57,103 --> 00:19:00,344
Next year, how about I have
a little monte cristo sandwich

523
00:19:00,413 --> 00:19:02,103
waiting for me by the chimney?

524
00:19:02,172 --> 00:19:03,241
Bob, there'’s some...

525
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:04,655
Ah, I almost forgot.

526
00:19:05,758 --> 00:19:07,620
For us?

527
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:08,827
[ Chuckles]

528
00:19:08,896 --> 00:19:11,448
"Mozart live at emperor
Joseph'’s court"?

529
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:12,793
Wow!

530
00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,379
I recorded it myself.

531
00:19:14,448 --> 00:19:16,724
Wolfy was really hot that night.

532
00:19:16,793 --> 00:19:19,310
"An invitation to a
meeting of the minds

533
00:19:19,379 --> 00:19:20,965
at Stephen Hawking'’s."

534
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:22,310
Oh, my goodness.

535
00:19:22,379 --> 00:19:24,517
I'’ve dreamed about this.

536
00:19:24,586 --> 00:19:28,620
That'’s why no one
ever stays mad at Santa.

537
00:19:32,655 --> 00:19:34,241
So, the next time you'’re abroad

538
00:19:34,310 --> 00:19:35,586
remember my simple rule:

539
00:19:35,655 --> 00:19:37,793
Kielbasa and Sauerkraut... yes.

540
00:19:37,862 --> 00:19:41,689
Kielbasa and menudo
and haggis... no.

541
00:19:41,758 --> 00:19:42,758
[ Doorbell rings]

542
00:19:42,793 --> 00:19:44,448
I'’ll get it.

543
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,103
Merry Christmas.

544
00:19:46,172 --> 00:19:47,379
Harvey.

545
00:19:47,448 --> 00:19:48,827
I got you a present.

546
00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:52,241
Oh!

547
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:53,310
A mouse. In gray.

548
00:19:53,344 --> 00:19:54,758
That goes with everything.

549
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,137
I was planning to get
you the whole computer

550
00:19:57,206 --> 00:20:00,034
but then they took all those
taxes out of my paycheck.

551
00:20:00,103 --> 00:20:01,517
It was a wonderful thought.

552
00:20:01,586 --> 00:20:03,068
So, was it fun playing Santa?

553
00:20:03,137 --> 00:20:04,137
It'’s hard work.

554
00:20:04,206 --> 00:20:06,137
Don'’t I know it.

555
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,724
Oh, you'’ll never believe this.

556
00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:09,793
I got a call from the
department store.

557
00:20:09,862 --> 00:20:11,448
All the kids who came to see me

558
00:20:11,517 --> 00:20:13,172
got exactly what they asked for.

559
00:20:13,241 --> 00:20:14,344
It'’s like a miracle.

560
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:15,482
You'’re welcome.

561
00:20:15,551 --> 00:20:17,344
I mean, oh, look!

562
00:20:17,413 --> 00:20:18,862
Mistletoe.

563
00:20:18,931 --> 00:20:20,965
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

564
00:20:27,655 --> 00:20:30,137
Oh, boy! "The buttoned
down mind of Bob newhart."

565
00:20:30,206 --> 00:20:32,655
How'’d you know my other
album got all scratched?

566
00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:34,068
This is for you, zeldie.

567
00:20:34,137 --> 00:20:35,793
I made it the mortal way.

568
00:20:35,862 --> 00:20:37,517
Really?

569
00:20:37,586 --> 00:20:39,000
No. What'’d you get me?

570
00:20:39,068 --> 00:20:41,172
Something you'’ll really like.

571
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,724
[ Hilda gasps]

572
00:20:42,793 --> 00:20:43,965
Johnny Mathis?

573
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,758
Cool! This is the best

574
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:46,827
Christmas ever.

575
00:20:46,862 --> 00:20:51,379
♪ O holy night

576
00:20:51,448 --> 00:20:57,068
♪ the stars are
brightly shining ♪

577
00:20:57,137 --> 00:20:59,034
♪ it is the night

578
00:20:59,103 --> 00:21:04,482
♪ of our dear
savior'’s birth... ♪

579
00:21:04,551 --> 00:21:07,448
Great. I didn'’t get
anything for Johnny.